Happy Birthday to me…. even though I am not where I would want to be. Certainly not where I thought I would be when I was a teenager, but that’s not a good or bad thing. When I was in high school, I thought that I would be living abroad somewhere with lots of kids. Instead, I have had a horrible year and it was made worse by some jerk infertility doctor who thought it was his personal mission to make me feel like shit; by not being able to get pregnant on my own by harping on my age despite my medical numbers. Nope, this was definitely not a good year. So leaving 39 to go to 40 seems like a death sentence. #Adultingishard
I completed my bachelor’s degree, had 5 failed Intrauterine Inseminations, and have had a difficult time transitioning from massage therapist into communications. I had a miscarriage three years ago that another doctor waited over 5 months to treat. My husband and I have male infertility factors to deal with but all this doctor seemed to do was bash my age. I have no kids, my family has gone from fighting to avoiding each other, and my magic 8 ball says “outlook not so good.” Being hard on myself is a talent and I can take being a Negative Nancy to a professional level. We all have some bad years and 39 just seems to be mine, but there are no do-overs. And I keep feeling helpless and lost.
(Me going to Catholic School and I am still just as vulnerable as that day.)
But this blog is not just about me, it’s about the pressure that society puts on women. I could be a cheerleader for any woman in my situation and tell that particular doctor to take a flying leap, but I cannot seem to tell myself this. The truth is that I am in way better shape and health now than I was for the last five years. I have been going to the gym, eating clean, and trying to stress less. Newsflash Dr. Dickhead, this is why women get pregnant now after 40. We learn to treat ourselves better. I have a wonderful support team of friends and have met some of the most fabulous women this year, many over forty who are just all inspirational! I don’t want to grow old, I want to blossom at every age. Women like Betty White, Helen Mirren, Carrie Fisher, Queen Latifah, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler — these women are ROCKING no matter what age they are!
People say “Forty is the new, thirty” and I have to disagree. Forty is a stage of life that is going to be just as important as your teen years, your twenties, your thirties. Both of my grandmothers are alive and still seek the latest fashion. Age has not changed their desire to look fabulous. Their children are grown and both of my grandfathers have passed away, but they are still putting on makeup and dressing fashionably. Life has ups and downs. This bad year is coming to an end. We don’t count our worth by our waist size so why our age? Life is a journey and age is just another unimportant measurement. We’re still learning to fly at forty.
Thank you for reading,
La Vida Verde